Title: Aishiteru
Author: Sekra (aka. Tikki)
Pairings: Slight 1+2
Warnings: Deathfic (suicide), angst, Heero POV.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Claiming that I own Gundam Wing only results with reality waking me up with more force than it should, which ultimately ends with me falling out of my chair and landing on my ass. So out of fear of getting a sore behind, I will firmly stick to 'Not Mine' as my defence.
Feedback: ..................(Trowa-like silence)................ Do I really have to answer this?? Of course I want feedback!!
Notes: And we're back to the depressing kind of stuff but then again, it's not like I ever left it ne? I really *have* to start taking those anti-depressants, this here proves that I have them for a reason. This is rather short, which is probely a good thing *sweatdrops* Damn muses....*raises fist and starts shaking it angrily* You hear me Helliose, Talayer?! Never listening to you again! Bastards!!! *ahem* Uh....on to the fic (before I scare the innocent little kids and make them cry *cackles maniacally*)



~*~*~*



I never thought about those who are left behind.

All the families and friends, I never realised how it would affect them.

I never realised until I had to go through the same thing.

I knew he wasn't happy. Underneath all the smiles and babbling there was only sadness. Sometimes he would let the jokers mask slip without knowing it and give me a glimpse of what really went on inside of his head.

And I didn't like what I saw. I don't think anyone would.

It looked like his entire soul had been swallowed by the darkness that haunts us all. Like his insides were burnt char-black. It was almost like the fire of loneliness tore through him, destroying all his emotions and feelings in its wake and leaving him dead inside.

Of course, he didn't show it in public. He didn't want anyone to know and we didn't. We were oblivious until it was too late.

Guilt overrides my thoughts whenever I think about him. I knew, I suspected something was wrong. I'm not an idiot, I saw the self-inflicted cuts and scars, I saw the unshed tears in the back of his stunning violet eyes. And yet I did nothing, thinking it better that he work out his own problems.

Well he worked them out alright, only not the way I intended to let him anyway.

Thinking back, I shouldn't have left him alone to deal with himself. I should have helped but interacting with others is a skill I am yet to aquire. I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to help him but everytime I tried I couldn't. It would have either come out wrong or not at all.

I remember that night so clearly. The white of the hospital walls and the familiar smell of disinfectants. The beeping of the machines and the wires. But most of all, I remember his face. Pale, a ghostly white-ish grey, his hair was unbound and lay around him like a cloak.

How he got there is where I draw a blank. I was told by Trowa that I had found him in the bathroom, unconcious.

The place he slit his wrists.

Damn it, after two years you would think the pain of loss wouldn't hurt so much. After all, I didn't really lose him because I never really had him to begin with.

Even though I regret never telling him, I am still unable to say the words that I keep for him and him alone. I can admit to myself I love him, I have for a long time but out loud I haven't been able to bring myself to say it.

But todays the day.

Standing before the grave stone, I wipe my tears from my face and transfer them to the cold stone, running my wet hand over his name. Thunder rolls loudly above and the rain starts to fall, slow at first and then into a heavy torrent.

Kind of like my feelings. It took a while for the fact that he was gone to sink in and although it was hard, I thought I would get through it. But as time progressed, I found that just like the rain, the sadness and loneliness didn't ease up, instead it became too heavy to bear and that is how I ended up here.

The blade glints as the lightning flashes, it almost adds an unearthly glow to the cold steel.

Tears mix with rain as I dig the cool sharpness into my skin and blood joins the cocktail of water and my salty tears.

"I love you."

Funny how those are the last words to leave my mouth. All my life I could not say them and now at the end of my life they come freely.

You will no longer be alone Duo. For I am coming for you.

Aishiteru Duo, aishiteru.

~Owari~