A New Dawn

Pairings : 1+2+1

Disclaimer : Gundam Wing characters aren't mine

Rating : PG-13

Warnings/Notes : angst, bit o' sap, Duo POV

Spoilers: None

Feedback : Yes, please, both praise and criticism

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Summary: Written for the Moments of Rapture fic-on-a-pic contest. The pic was H'n'D on the beach, staring at a mottled sky. In this fic, Duo has approached Heero, and thinks he's been rebuffed. It crushes him, and

Well, you should read it, ne? Sweet ending.

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Lush undergrowth beneath my feet. The heady aroma of the forest.

Moonlight pierces the cloud again, descends through the canopy, silencing the cricket, startling the owl.

"Why?" I say to no one, not even myself.

Had I but thought -- but that's not my way, of course.

Had I but thought, I never would have --

would have --

"Heero," I breathe softly, "Can't you see it, Heero?" I'm the god of death: death incarnate. Love is not an option for me, for everyone I touch, dies; less a possibility than an option.

I turn to the left, aimlessly wandering in the nightforest. Soft moonglow lights my way.

I stop and brace myself with both hands on a slender tree, now heavy with the life of summer. Slowly I lower my chest to the smooth trunk, then wrap my arms around it -- a substitute for the embrace I cannot allow myself.

"Oh, Heero, I never should have kissed you," I whisper.

The conflicting emotions in his face still haunt me.

* * *

Startled by my sweet advance, he quickly drew back his head. The hope and anxiety in my eyes captivated him.

He almost smiled, then let me kiss him.

Tenderly I embraced his lips.

Timidly he accepted my love.

When we opened our eyes, he caressed my cheek with his fingertips.

"Duo," he said haltingly, "I-I can't...."

Then it was I knew.

I had invaded his soul for purely selfish reasons. Suddenly so clear: I could never hurt the fragile psyche he had shown me, the trembling soul hidden beneath his brooding carapace.

I turned to run and hide, oblivious to his cries to stop.

* * *

I walked out of the safehouse wearing only the oversized shirt and faded jeans I had slipped into after my evening shower. Barefooted I ran along the road, past the bridge, around the bend, and abruptly plunged into the woods.

Stumbling without caring what happened to my feet, refusing to cry as I unbound my hair, I collapsed beneath a tree, silently sobbing.

As night descended, I brought myself to the court of Shinigami.

O God of Death,

           in me you chose to live incarnate.

You carry out your judgment

           and mercy in me.

All those I meet must face the truth

           that you come to all.

All those I meet must accept

           your gift of nothingness

           given through me.

And I have dared to violate

           your presence in me.

I have reached out to another

           in hope of life,

           in hope of love!

Shinigami, forgive me.

           I know I must be strong.

           I know I must trust only in you.

The time has come;

           the day is here!

I will be true to you,

           O Shinigami!

I will give myself to you,

           completely,

           finally.

The moon broke shyly through the clouds and trees, hesitant to interrupt my sacred moment.

Stirring, I realized that time had passed.

I rose and wandered, the anticipation in my breast uncertain, quickened by every breath.

"The beach," I whispered.

* * *

Lush undergrowth beneath my feet. The heady aroma of the forest.

Moonlight pierces the cloud again, descends through the canopy, silencing the cricket, startling the owl.

"Why?" I say to no one, not even myself.

Had I but thought -- but that's not my way, of course.

Had I but thought, I never would have --

would have --

"Heero," I breathe softly, "Can't you see it, Heero?" I'm the god of death: death incarnate. Love is not an option for me, for everyone I touch dies; less a possibility than an option.

I turn to the left and I'm there.

"The beach," I breathe again. "How fitting."

Once I watched him hurtle toward the sand, descending helpless above him. He broke his leg that day, falling from the prison I had invaded to set him free.

I came to rest moments later, and ran to his side.

He stumbled into my arms, brooding-silent, his spirit thick with the armor of determination.

I told him I was the only friend he had at the moment. I told him to trust me.

And now I've betrayed that trust.

With a kiss.

I ran from the one I loved, had always loved, had never dared to touch -- not like that.

I ran to the only god I knew.

Shinigami.

I stumbled onto the sand, three-step clumsiness.

I walked toward the water, unseeing, uncaring, drawn by my god, the god of death.

"Blaze of glory," I muttered, softly chuckling. How ironic that Shinigami would choose the cold waves for me. How clever of her to send me into the void this way, a quiet suicide, far from battle.

I stumbled then, falling forward. Instinctively my hands went out to brace. As my wrists sank into freshly wet sand my hair was wind-whipped, my bare chest spattered by the sea. Slowly I began to lower myself to the sand.

"Don't."

At the sound of his voice, I tensed. Ashamed to look up, I turned my head, the strands of my hair lashing the sand.

"Duo, please. Let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain, Yuy," I spat. "I was out of line. End of story."

My heart thrummed, its lifeblood churning.

"No, Duo, no."

A hand, another, on my shoulders, lifting me. Heero gently leaned me into a kneeling position, my bare feet wet behind me. He kneeled beside me.

He leaned against me, the soft cotton of his tee and jeans brushing my side.

His touch was fire.

Still I would not look at him.

"This is the beach where we first touched. Did you know that? This is where I first realized it, Duo."

My silence gave him permission to continue.

"After I broke my leg in that fall I cursed myself for my weakness. Staying alive wasn't in the mission's best interest right then. I shouldnever have released my chute. I don't know why you chose to help me, Duo, but I'm glad you did. When you put your arm around me to help me off the beach, I knew, right then, I knew. I've been afraid ever since to admit it to myself -- that I love you. But I know it's true. I never dared to believe that you might love me, as well. Until tonight."

He held me against him, a shelter against the wind without, and the wind within me.

"But - but --"

His hand on my cheek stopped my speech.

"I know, Duo, I know, I told you I couldn't. I spoke in fear, fear of my own frailty, my unwillingness to risk. Strange, isn't it, that a Gundam pilot would be unwilling to go anywhere. Yet I found myself unable to step toward you.

"The moment you turned from me, I realized my mistake. I called to you, but you ran, Duo.

"I was crushed. I knew what I had done to you. I knew the risk you took, and I-I panicked. I spent hours on the floor wishing I could take back that one word, waiting for you to return.

"When you didn't come back, I knew I had to look for you. Something told me you would come here -- I don't know what."

Silence.

I turned toward Heero.

"Y-you love me?"

"Yes, Duo."

"But --"

Heero leaned down to kiss me, taking my face in his hands. As our lips touched, I was overcome with emotion.

"Not possible," I thought. "This can't be happening to me. The god of death --"

Heero broke the kiss as though he knew my thoughts. "It's okay, Duo. I know you're afraid. I am, too. But as long as we have each other, we can make it. Trust me, Duo. Trust me to love you, as I have found the courage to trust in your love."

At that moment the sun dawned over the sea, mottling the clouds with tangerines and rubies. I leaned back into Heero's arms, braced against him. Sea spray mingled with wind, salt spattered my chest, my hair ran wild around the two of us. Heero, still on his knees, huggled me.

Together we watched a new dawn take shape.

~Owari~